Is it because I'm a mom now? Or that my body changed and I have no idea what to do with it? Is it that I'm not going to an office, where I'm expected display the latest fancy pants? Is it because I grew up in California and have always been a flip-flop wearer disguised as a liker of high heels?
As Kadin always says, "I don't have the answer." But I often think about how my former magazine bosses would be horrified at my everyday, beaten-up sneakers, lipstick-only face, messy bun and stretchy pants.
My new laissez-faire style might also have something to do with the fact that I'm married now. One of Kadin's best friends came with his wife and two-year-old daughter to visit us not long ago. They brought one towel for the three of them and wore sweat pants and much the same thing the whole time. Kadin and I were entirely relieved. When we travel now, we pack one suitcase (which usually contains jeans and lots of black) for all three of us. We also bring only one towel and don't shower every day. And we often wear some of the same clothing pieces two or more days in a row.
When the friend was here, I also remember him saying, "Isn't it nice to finally be with someone who doesn't care what you're wearing or how you look?" We all gave a collective sigh and agreed that it was. And then we laughed about how our respective parents think we're insane because our clothes are always wrinkled and too casual, or our hair is on the messy side.
I remember, too, when a single friend came to visit. He took one look at us and commented, "You guys have let yourselves go." I suddenly began scouring through photographs of Kadin and I when we were first dating. I saw bonier faces, smaller waistlines, more fashionable clothing and slick hair. I thought, have we become those cliched married people who blow up after walking down the aisle? Have we turned into frat boys who've been ordering too much pizza and drinking too many pints?
Maybe. Just maybe. But I believe in being healthy--enjoying life without being a glutton--and I'm fifty times happier now than when I thought too much about how I looked and how other people looked at me.
|Image via Observando|