Cooking Light

Yesterday I was listening to my mother-in-law talk about how wonderful my brother-in-law's girlfriend is. She spent the summer with my husband's family in Connecticut and apparently, she did laundry twice a week and cooked every night.

I do laundry once every other week. And I do cook (translation: defrost) four nights a week, but that's only after much marital negotiation. And there's never a fifth night because then I'd spontaneously combust with loathing.

Whatever. I have other qualities to offer. At least my oldest and dearest friends think so. Here's a toast they wrote for a small post-elopement dinner that included mostly immediate family:

In Laura and Kadin, we have a somewhat unconventional couple.

They planned and announced an elopement (whatever--I'm horrible at keeping secrets); got engaged and married within a month...

and there was no shotgun in sight;

have the exact same wedding rings;

and have interesting pet names for each other ("lover"--nauseating, I know).

But, Kadin, however unconventional things have been so far, we are here to enlighten you about what truly is the most unconventional aspect of your relationship.

You think you've gotten yourself a wife, however, what you've gotten yourself is a husband.

Be prepared, when using the loo, to find--instead of toilet paper--a stack of restaurant napkins.

Be prepared to share your bed with crumbs of all shapes and sizes.

If there's a warm dinner waiting for you on the table, it's because you made it.

Don't expect groceries in the refrigerator, but if you're looking for a snack, check her purse (FYI Sabine used to look in my purse vs. the refrigerator when she was hungry).

You might want to tell her that the flight is at 10 a.m. rather than 2 p.m.

Oh and lastly, because Christmas is coming...it would serve you to remind her that it's on the 25th this year.

So Laura may not be the most conventional wife, but she will:

give you her heart and take good care of yours; make you think;

make you laugh;

be your rock when you're at your weakest;

and love you unconditionally...

as long as you treat her like the king that she is.

I'm somewhat reformed since then (we regularly use toilet paper and buy more before we run out), although I'm definitely more single dude than I am housewife--but I love more solidly than the biggest rock you've ever seen.

Image via Observando