When Sabine was itty bitty and cried often, I mean, all the time as in constantly, I would sing to her. The song that I sang over and over again was Hush Little Baby. I didn't plan to sing this classic tune. It just burst from my lips one day out of panic and new momma nervousness.
But at the time, I could not remember the words. So I made up my own. And they went like this:
Hush, little baby don't say a word
Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird.
And if that mocking bird don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring don't shine,
Mama's gonna buy you a horse so fine.
And if that horse so fine don't neigh,
Mama's gonna buy you a sunshine ray.
And if that sunshine ray don't glow,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat don't stay,
Mama's gonna bake you a birthday cake.
The actual lyrics to this song go like this.
I think mine are MUCH better. I mean, wouldn't you rather have a horse and a sunshine ray and a birthday cake than a cart and bull and a looking glass? Well, so would Sabine. And I knew this was true when she was sick last week and had been crying for two hours straight until I began rocking her and singing this song, our song. When I would stop for even a second, she would say, "mo pee," which means "more please." And my heart melted into a puddle on the carpet as I sang and rocked for as long as it took, noticing the numbness in my arms only after I laid her down in her crib. I would hold her like that for forever and a day--or until my arms fell off--if I could.