1. Why can't I sit beneath a peacock in a Jacaranda tree while my 1.5 year old naps in my lap or watch her ride a carousel for the first time every day?
2. Why is laundry such a disgusting, Myth-of-Sisyphus chore that I cannot get used to?
3. Why can't money grow on trees?
4. Why are The Real Housewives of New York and Orange County such terrible bitches? And why can't I stop watching them despite this fact?
5. Why can't the blue cheese-and-onion, cinnamon chip, and Mexican chocolate bread loaves at Great Harvest Bread Co. be all protein instead of all carbohydrates?
6. Why is the Bravo show Million Dollar Decorators so dripping with excess and arrogance and a lack of reality that it makes me want to throw my shoe at the television and never, ever work for a luxury home/design magazine EVER again?
7. Why did I see Susie walking three times this week with only one of her small pups (the blind one has not been with her--I don't want to know)?
8. Why is there an angry swarm of bees currently attacking our apartment building so that we can't go outside (seriously, it's horror-movie style)?
9. Why did someone ask me at the bank yesterday if I was babysitting Sabine? And why did I want to shove my ballpoint pen up her nose for asking this (you'd think I'd be used to it by now)?
10. Why do people turn corners in their cars when you are still walking in the crosswalk with a child/stroller? And why do I yell at them like a crazy old lady when I know they will keep driving and can't hear me?
11. Why are your feet a half-size bigger after having a baby so that all of your fancy, very expensive high heels don't fit anymore and never will again?
12. Why am I secretly excited about #11? Because wearing high heels is the most uncomfortable thing on the face of the planet, especially when you are chasing a tiny monster.