Monday, May 2, 2011

Happy Birthday

The front of a card my mother gave to my cousin when she had her first child.

Happy Birthday, Mama. I love you to the moon and back and think about you every day. I tell Sabine about you as often as I can. Every time we see a crow, I hope that means you are somehow, maybe watching over us. I wish you could see her. You would fall in love with her just like I have. And I wish I could see you. And tell you that I finally understand how difficult and beautiful it is to be in this position. But also, I wish I could tell you that I finally have some understanding and knowing of how loved I was by you. And that's everything. Because now I know that it was the most.

It hasn't gotten easier, it's just been longer since you left. It was way too soon and nothing is the same. You made us better. We miss you. And maybe it's too painful and impossible to all be together without you. But today, we remember all of it and how much we love each other no matter what. And we celebrate the day you came into the world and made it a kind of beautiful that no one else could.

I hope that because I'm part of you, you're always with me...Laura


Leslie said...

Hi - I like your blog. I saw your comment on Dooce, and looked you up. (see how that works? ha!) I also love dooce. She's such a good writer and funny. She and others have inspired me to start my own blog too:

It's similar to yours as it's about my life, kids and just stuff.


the lil bee said...

Laura, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is an awful experience, no matter what your age. It's amazing how much more I appreciate my own mom now that I'm a mom, too--I can totally relate to your words:)

Brianna said...

Ummmm wow. I teared up! Big time! I am not even a parent and can't wrap my mind around how much I will one day love my children. She loved you so much, and although I didn't see or talk to her often...that love was so evident! Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!


Laura Mauk said...

Thanks, Bri. Means so much. So glad you read this and commented, Thank you xoxo,


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