2. Why did my neighbor tell me yesterday that it looks like Sabine has gained weight (she's always been of average weight, in the fiftieth percentile)?
3. Why can't I clone myself so that I can spend as much time alone with my beautiful friends as I do with my child and husband?
4. Why did Sabine, who hasn't nursed in two and a half months, start sucking on my shoulder yesterday? Does my shoulder look like a breast or is it just in the same neighborhood?
5. Why did I acquire wrinkles, imperfect skin and grey hair only just after I had Sabine?
6. Why is wine more delicious now than it ever has been?
7. Why does Sabine get down on all fours and drink from puddles on the sidewalk?
8. Why do I hate cooking and love takeout?
9. Why does my 1.5 year-old close doors, push chairs into tables, throw paper in the trash and place dirty clothes in the laundry basket when my husband and I do none of these things?
10. Did you know Bin Laden fathered at least twenty children? How did that guy get so much ass?
11. Why does everyone tell my husband he's in great shape and has the ideal athletic build when he hasn't exercised since 2006 and has no idea that food has calories?
12. Why do I think that Donald Trump actually might've won? Because these days, anything can happen.
|Image by Minga via Life According to Celia|