A Dozen Wonders

Doesn't she look insane?!

1 Why can my 1.5 year-old very clearly say "octopus," but can't seem to pronounce "please"?

2 Is it wrong to let your child eat puffs off the floor of in Target because you hadn't even paid for them when she spilled them and her picking them up one by one and putting them in her mouth distracts her so you can shop?

3 Is it wrong to also let her eat peanuts off the concrete floor of the patio in the backyard?

4 Why does she have to stick her finger so deep into my ear socket that everything now sounds fuzzy and I have a constant headache?

5 Why does she know how to take her diaper off even when I put it on backwards?

6 Why don't I seem concerned when I come downstairs and she's standing on the glass dining room table chugging--and thoroughly enjoying--cold coffee from my commuter mug?

7 Would people look at me weird if I took her to a cantina in Pasadena today--Cinco de Mayo!--after naptime and ordered a margarita for me and nachos for us to share?

8 Why would she rather eat hand lotion or sunscreen than the delicious piece of cheese I just put in front of her?

9 Why does she throw any pillow, blanket, doll or stuffed animal over the side of her crib before she lies down and goes to sleep at night?

10 Why does she play hide and seek by running into the middle of a room, lying on the floor face-down and covering her eyes? Does she really think I can't see her? (There goes the genius theory.)

11 And why does a huge clan of screeching parrots have to park it in the tree outside her window each morning, waking her up at  6:00 a.m.? And since when do parrots live in abundance in South Pasadena? Shouldn't parrots only be in Costa Rica, Florida or the pet store? I officially hate parrots.

12 While shopping at Old Navy, do other kids try to ride the plastic dog, talk to the mannequins and scale the employee ladder with a bathing suit wrapped around their neck?