I'm 33 weeks now. My back is killing me. I'm chasing sleep when Sabine sleeps. I get heartburn if I eat a handful of peanuts. I'll need a vat of Tums to get me through the next five, maybe seven, weeks. Carrying laundry or groceries up the one flight if stairs to our apartment building makes me feel like I smoked a pack of cigarettes then ran a marathon.
If I hear one more person gasp at the size of my belly then tell me there's no way I'll make it until May, I'm going to stuff a sock between their lips. One of my neighbors is also pregnant and due four days before me. Each time I see her she goes on and on about how huge my belly is and asks if I'm sure I'm not having twins. She likes to follow it up by lamenting on how tiny she is. I want to pinch her. Hard.
Two-and-a-half-year-old Sabine is busier than ever. She runs away when I try to brush her hair or get her dressed. She goes to sleep at 9:00 p.m. and wakes up at 6:15 a.m. She likes to try and sit on my belly or lean against it with all of her weight. There's a small someone pushing from the inside and a bigger someone pushing right back from the outside.
To top all of it off, we ordered a new platform bed in February which has yet to arrive. So Kadin and I are sleeping on a mattress on the floor, which makes getting up to pee four times in the middle of the night extra sucky. I need a bedside crane.
When I've sat down to write this blog recently, I've felt guilty or strained because it takes me out of the moment. It takes my mind and my hands and real time away from Sabine. And it's time that I can't help but think will be limited once this baby is born; time I will never have alone again with this amazing little being who lights up my world, makes my heart skip and who has changed my entire being.
At the same time, this blog is also my baby book, Sabine's growth chart, my love letters to her and a place for honesty--all invaluable things that I've created for her (and our family) so she will know me as a mom and as a person. And so she will know--always--how she was loved more deeply than the depths ocean or endless sky.
Here's my low budget self portrait so you, too, can take a gander and marvel at the size of that belly...