Pillowcases, Not Blankets

Dear Sabine,

You are in love with pillowcases. You take them off of every pillow in the house no matter how many times I put them back on. You use them as blankets to sleep with. You wrap your dolls in them, calling them baby blankets. You put them on your head and play Little Red Riding Hood. And when you wake up each morning, you come downstairs or in my room with a pillowcase on your head, appearing like a nun or a some sort of peasant bride. You even sleep with these pillowcases wrapped around your head. It's really so silly and sweet and quirky that it makes me love you more than I already do.

Mixed Bag of Thoughts

Zadie, if you don't take longer naps, how will I ever miss you and have that I-can't-wait-to-see-you feeling? It's a really good feeling, I promise. So if you ever want to feel it, you should take longer naps.

I made paper crowns--decorated with glitter and fairy stickers--today with Sabine. About twenty seconds after putting hers on and running to see it in the mirror, I heard a terrible ripping sound and "I don wan it." So much for arts and crafts with tiny monster.

Yesterday, Sabine asked: "Mama, please I hold a baby crocodile."

Then, when I plucked her from her bed the other morning, she said, "Last night, I closed my eyes and tried and tried to change colors but it didn't work." I asked what color she wanted to be and she said, "pink."

And a few weeks ago Sabine saw a huge batch of mashed potato-like cumulus clouds atop the craggy San Gabriel mountains and asked, "Mama, please I go touch those clouds?" I told her when she gets a little bigger and I get a little richer, we can take a hot air balloon ride. I've actually taken one and it's pretty amazing. I'll just have to keep her from leaping out of the basket.

Oh Zadie, I feel your first tooth poking through in the bottom right side of your gums. And you're not even fussy. Please don't grow any more teeth because I am simply not ready to lose that gummy ear-to-ear grin you shower me with every time I walk into the room or smile at you. When you do that, it's kind of the best feeling in the world. You sure know how to make a mama feel loved.

The Mouth of a Babe

Sabine's latest words and phrases (are killing me):


Isn't that awesome, mama?

It's so cool!

Mama, you're my best friend.

I love you so much.

You're a naked butt.

Don't be a booger.

Stop whining, mama.

You have to listen to me.

Why not? (Uttered at least 8, 564 times each day.)

Stop talking to dada.

Hold you me.

No naps! I tired.

Sweet dreams.

Calm down, Yorya. (Translation: calm down, Laura. She got this one from a naughty neighbor boy and got in big trouble when she said it.)

That's MY sister! (Every time someone tries to touch or hold Zadie.)

Mama, I just be a mean girl (every time she does something naughty).

I sorry. (Said about 9, 000 times per day.)

And, she calls McDonald's "Old McDonald's."

Huge.

I can't believe I was shocked when people asked me if I was having twins. 

These images were taken when I was nine months pregnant. When Zadie was born on May 20, she weighed almost ten pounds. She was as big as two five pound babies. I was HUGE. Hindsight is 20/20.

Love Letter

I don't have time to write much these days. Zadie was born almost two and a half months ago and I've got my hands full with her fourteen pounds of perfection and Sabine's thirty something pounds of boundless energy.

I'm making time to put my current thoughts on paper (so to speak) so that I remember how I feel right now and so that Sabine and Zadie will know--sometime in their future--how blissfully over the moon they make me.

Sabine has adjusted to having a little sister. She was jealous and terrible at first, but now she cannot stop kissing and squishing baby Zadie, who is quite possibly the mellowist, sweetest, easiest, sleepiest, happiest, most easily consoled baby in the whole world. Sometimes I ask myself what I've done to deserve her because so far in my life, nothing has been this easy.

Zadie is in her swing now as I type this and is smiling so impossibly big that her mouth has taken over her entire face and my heart is a warm puddle of melted organ inside my body. Sabine is playing at a neighbor's house without momma or dada. There was a time not too long ago when Sabine wouldn't go anywhere without me. She always looked back to make sure I was close by when she tackled some adventure. But lately, she doesn't look back at all. I thought my heart would break when she stopped looking back. But my heart wants to burst out of this chest at the thought of her being so brave, confident, outgoing and beside herself excited about the smallest thing, or, the biggest thing in her eyes. I'm proud to let her loose into this wild world, to let her discover and soak up everything and anything that her little heart desires. I want to watch her swim in a glittering lake or turquoise waves and be dwarfed by epic and towering sequoias for the first time. She will travel and climb mountains and swing high and run as fast she can with boundless curiosity into almost everything she does. And I'm proud and happy that she is mine and so full of life. And I will be here every time when she needs a place to come home to; arms to hold her; a voice to console her.

And for now, I'm holding onto Zadie's quiet sweetness. I'm swimming in her smiles and affection, waiting for her to blossom into someone wonderful, but different from her sister. I can't wait to discover who she will be. Motherhood is quite possibly the best thing I've ever done (and I've done a lot).