today it was just us: mama, sabine and zadie. our visitors had gone home and sabine chose to stay in instead of going to the library or the indoor park, one of her most favorite places.
we made a pink cake with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles. sabine asked to work on writing her letters. we played chase and tag and i gave two little girlies lots of horse-y rides and hugs. sabine made a collage with striped tape, red ribbon and marker and drew a picture of me and my mama and said, "so you can look at it every time you are sad and you miss her."
it has been the best day, filled with simple tasks, giggles, no stress and a huge amount of productive cuddling, laughing and listening to my girls. for the first time in awhile, i stopped feeling like i should be doing something other than enjoying their smallness. and for the first time in awhile, nothing is missing. if i don't over think my current existence, they are more than enough and so am i. they teach me to be present and that the grass is the greenest right here, right now.
sometimes i swear my mom, who fought so hard to stay alive, is whispering sweet somethings into their little heads. and they, in turn, show me how to forget all of the shitty stuff and the silly anxieties and just soak up all of these beautiful minutes we have together--minutes that will someday become faraway memories that i pine for.