we let her cry last week instead of picking her up right away so that she might sleep in her crib instead of our bed. she was waking every time i swallowed or moved a toe and then acting so sleepy during the day. k wanted his marriage back. i'd missed his arms, too. but now i miss her next to me all night long. a lot.
hearing her cry broke my heart. i cried in the dark in the bed beside her and whispered to my invisible mom floating somewhere above me to give me strength to get through it all. i was supposed to soothe lil zadie by simply rubbing her tummy, but i held her hand and picked her up and rocked her instead.
we are sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor while zadie and sabine now sleep soundly in their respective rooms. the discomfort of our new non-bedroom is slowly becoming comfortable.
i'm so in love with her it hurts.
