I haven't bought Sabine tons of pink or princess dresses or tiaras or wands or fake high heels or feather boas or any of that super frothy girly stuff. The biggest reason is that it's just not my style. The other major reason is that I don't want to shove the whole princess/fairy tale thing down my little girl's throat. I don't like the idea of her growing up thinking that she needs to be saved or rescued by a guy. I don't want her to think she can only be happy if she gets married or is in a relationship. I want her to learn to depend on herself and to make herself happy. I want her to want to travel and explore and see and feel and experience as much of the world as she possibly can. And if she does meet someone, I want that to come a little later and for it to be the icing on the cake that is her strong, well-rounded, independent self.
With that said, we recently had dinner at a friend's house, where a three year old lives with what seemed like an endless supply of princess dresses, plastic heels, crowns, wands and sparkly accessories. Twenty minutes after we arrived, Sabine emerged wearing all of the above and then some. She was in drag queen heaven and apparently too much was not enough.
I saw how happy she was. I wondered if she was drawn to it because it was new to her or because frothy pink happens to suit her taste buds. Only time will tell. But I decided that it doesn't matter. As long as I help her to build confidence and a strong back bone; as long as I teach her that the princess phenomenon is anything but real, I want her to be free to express herself in whatever way she wants. Even if it is unbearably pink and fluffy.
5 comments:
So true. I'm with you on the whole princess/pink/frilly thing. But now I don't mind them playing with all that stuff anymore. Because in the end I am confident that it's what I instill in them and how I talk to them and bring them up that's going to influence them and make them be strong women. I don't believe toys (as my Barbie post said) have such a huge influence on all that as I thought it did. It's their parents that will make them into strong adults.
I work two days a week and my twin girls are with a baby sitter for about 3-4 hours, at least an hour of which is nap time. Today when I came home the sitter showed me letters she had helped them write to Santa. The girls' list read something like princess dresses, princess shoes, princess baby doll. Until today, they had never once said the word princess and were not familiar with the genre. This was a deliberate effort. My husband went ballistic and I sat the girls down and explained why Dora the explorer is a much better role model. They are 3 1/2 so did not get it and just kept talking about sparkly dresses. I would not underestimate the influence of commercial forces and other people.
I love pink, and princess things. My mom totally raised me with sweet tales of Prince Charming, but the fact that she was a single mom, struggling with asshole ex (yes, my dad) probably made me doubt early on. Or not? I kind of hope not. I mean you found your prince right?
Sabine is tooooooooo cute! Makes me want to come to Cali to hang out with ya'll!
@MissA, well, you turned out to be amazingly cool, princess stuff or no princess stuff. and yeah, i met my match but for many years i thought i'd be a single mom. i just don't want sabine or women to think that need a man to be happy.
@Katherine, I think it's crazy how people--your babysitter--assume that everyone thinks the same way. She should've thought twice or picked up on your cues before introducing new ideas to your little ones.
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